You don’t need to care about the title of this blog post.
I just added the “Me” category to my blog. just to write about things that probably no one would care enough to read. I know many of you follow Sak’s blog to read stories, but I am currently hanging in the middle of the mountain, and honestly don’t know what to cling to. Writing the story in this bad mood is not a kind act for my characters.
Since the pandemic, I have noticed that my footsteps have weakened a lot. My plan is no longer what the next 5 years will be, but what will be in the next 6 months. I am not sure whether I can cross these valleys or not, or at least how long I can do it. Doubts about my ability to keep balance have dilated, like noodles that have been soaked for too long in a pot of bone broth.
Maybe I’m like those noodles, soaked for too long in the stumbling blocks of life. Growing but softening.
My life is fine, generally. This “fine” word itself has many meanings. “I’m ok”, which means I am not on a mountain cliff to be saved, in any aspect. Indeed, it’s only okay to keep me standing there, not collapsing, not running away, but not being able to go fast, or stably advance through sharp turns. I lost my balance, in the midst of storms, between misunderstandings and hurt, for myself and for others.
More and more people, (said they) are depressed, or used to be. The human mentality, it seems, is as big as a cotton ball. Just a small amount of water will make it wet and flabby, no matter how grandiose it was before. Some people are lucky not to get wet, and some people quickly dry it out. Well, not everyone has the conditions to dry their mentality before it softens from the shocks.
“Have you ever had depression? the postpartum period, for example?”
A sister asked me, and I smiled, no. After the birth of my daughter, I was also struggling very hard and exhausted, but depression let me go, or I avoided it. Like, if I believed in a bright sky after cloudy days, I certainly wouldn’t be invaded by negative emotions.
Fortunately, I still have faith, but for many people, belief was the first thing they lost.
This blog ends without any conclusion. I just want to say (to you and to myself) – if possible, lock your faith in your heart and keep it there for as long as possible.