Sài Gòn vẫn mưa vẫn nắng, những con đường vắng đã nhớ dấu chân người.
Ngày thứ 60 mấy kể từ khi trú ẩn ở nhà. Hỏi phố Hồng Bàng, vòng xoay ngã sáu, tiệm bánh cuốn và tiệm bún bò, xe bánh mì, quán cafe có bộ bàn ghế sofa êm ái, những ly trà cream cheese ít đường trân châu đen có thấy nhớ bóng dáng, hơi ấm của tôi không?
Chứ tôi thì đã quên mùi vị các bạn nó như thế nào rồi.
…
Mất mùi vị, là một triệu chứng của người nhiễm Covid-19, và nó chỉ là tạm thời. Rồi mình sẽ lại có những buổi sáng thong dong chạy trên phố quen, tấp vào chiếc xe nhỏ lề đường để “take away” một ly bạc xỉu mang đến chỗ làm, sẽ lại tầm chiều bật app order thứ nào đó giải cơn buồn ngủ, và thỉnh thoảng vợ chồng lại hẹn nhau ăn tối trước khi về nhà chơi múa rối với con. Lý tưởng là có thể đưa con đi công viên chơi cát, lâu lâu còn có thể đi biển đi rừng, dù là Đà Lạt, Phú Quốc, Nghệ An hay chỉ Long An Sa Đéc Vũng Tàu… Bọn mình chưa giàu nhưng đã muốn nghỉ hưu, để những ngày vô ưu xoa dịu một ký ức nặng nề từ đại dịch.
Mình sẽ lại thấy người ta chen nhau trong các trung tâm thương mại, hàng bánh mì Huỳnh Hoa, xe bánh cam Sư Vạn Hạnh, hay quầy hàng thanh lý trong cái chợ gần nhà buổi sớm cuối tuần – với những chiếc khẩu trang, hoặc không? Sài Gòn sẽ lại náo nhiệt, nhưng từ trong lòng bạn, đã có ít nhiều đổi thay.
Người Sài Gòn sẽ ra đường với 2-3 loại giấy tờ trong túi, Căn cước công dân, Bằng lái xe và Thẻ xanh thẻ vàng. Chiếc thẻ quyền lực màu xanh nghe như chuẩn bị nhập cư nước Mỹ.
Những ai đã tiêm 2 mũi vaccine sẽ có thẻ xanh, và mình biết nhiều bạn nôn nóng ra đường, hoà nhập cộng đồng, đi làm đi học đi chơi. Các bạn vui vẻ và đầy lạc quan, tính đến những chuyến đi lang thang cho bõ những ngày cùn chân trong xó. Ngang “level” với bạn có “team” F0 đã khỏi, là mình, và khoảng gần ba trăm nghìn người khác. Cùng có thẻ, nhưng tâm thế chúng ta hoàn toàn không thể giống nhau.
Những “di chứng” âm ỉ sau cơn bão này có lẽ sẽ khó mà phai nhạt trong vài tháng, thậm chí vài năm. Thứ cảm xúc chông chênh giữa niềm tin và sợ hãi, thỉnh thoảng rùng mình khi một cơn ớn lạnh lướt qua khi trời trở gió, hay cảm thấy bất an chỉ vì một cái hắc xì hơi, sẽ mãi đeo bám những ai đã từng là F0, như mình, như người thân mình, như những người không quen đã từng chung group “F0 tại nhà”. Những người sẽ không thể quên nổi cảm giác đọc được các bài đăng cầu cứu trong tuyệt vọng, “Mẹ/Ba/Bà em đang cần cấp cứu gấp nhưng gọi bệnh viện nào cũng không nhận”. “Sp02 dưới 90%” là một hình ảnh ký ức đầy ám ảnh.
…
Chúng ta vẫn nói mãi về khi nào trở lại bình thường, dù mới? Khi nào, và sau đó thì sao? Chung sống với tụi nó, tất nhiên rồi, và mỗi 6 tháng 1 lần, các bệnh viện sẽ gửi tin nhắn nhắc bạn nhớ tiêm mũi ngừa Covid. Vậy thôi, hay còn những nỗi sợ tinh khôi như ngày mới sang thấy bản thân vẫn còn thở đã là hạnh phúc?
Ảnh nhà mình bị giăng dây gắn biển đỏ hẳn hoi. “Kỷ niệm” một tháng ròng vật lộn cùng Covid.
Rồi cũng đã qua.
Và tôi biết tôi phải nói lời cảm ơn// Cho tôi sống những tháng những ngày rất xanh// Chạm lên trái tim thấy cơn mơ còn cháy nồng// Nhiều đêm trắng xoá bay// Lòng như có gió đầu mùa...
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